this is ridiculous

I came down here, way past my bed-time, feeling maudlin and depressed and attempted to bare my soul on my blog. That didn't happen. Sad part is I was getting all emotional because of a particularly good yet depressing episode of Scrubs. Yes, TV has led me to this. Anyway, the outpouring of emotion that has, thus far, not happened, has given way to a much stronger power: irritation. So fuck this, I'm going back to bed. But before I go...

I deleted some posts. Tonight was the realization that leaving those posts alone wasn't helping anyone, least of all me. It's rather egotistical of me to think that this will actually help either me or she who the posts involved, but the important part is that they're gone. It's not much, but it's something, and maybe, maybe, I'll finally be able to let go.

publisher!

Fantasist Enterprises is the publisher that is currently considering (or is at least in possession of) my first book. I just recently found that out so I poked around. While poking I found this: Paper Blossoms, Sharpened Steel. Something about coming up with a story in ancient Asia sounded like fun. I came up with an idea within about five minutes, and then had a brilliant thought: is this actually a good idea? Is it somehow unkosher to have two things submitted to a publisher? FBO said resoundingly "DO IT!" So now I'm studying up on Dragon Style Kung Fu, Ng Mui, and the Henan Shaolin Temple. More than that I won't say for now. But the possibility of more my stuff being published couldn't hurt, right? Damn straight.

Book info!

First and foremost I'd like to report that my manuscript for my first book is in the hands of he who may become my new publisher! The best bookstore owner ever handed off the goods at some point recently, and now it's just waiting to see what the publisher guy says about my book. If he hates it, at least I finally got it all the way to a publisher. If he likes it, well, then my life should get much more interesting for a while. I will, of course, update here as I get more information.

Second and aftermost, the FBO has expressed an interest in moving onto my second book which means it's time for me to give my second book the resounding edit it deserves. I'm going to be bringing my second book up to manuscript quality levels and getting it printed and bound for the editing process and I'm going to be doing this soon!

Seems that getting my new laptop was very well timed! He he... Like I really needed more reasons to like my new favorite toy. :)

Fuck Bud Light.

But damn is this funny.

New laptop!

It ain't exactly been a long wait, but I have my laptop in my happy little hands! And boy is it a shit-ton prettier to look at than my last one. Not to mention lighter, better keyboard, better layout for just about everything, and a really sweet light design (very nice blue). The only downside this laptop has compared to the last one is that I had to spend money to get this one. But I'm still viewing this thing as a step up in just about every way possible.

Of course being the picky bastard that I am, the first thing I did after running through all the install BS was to start deleting shit off this thing I really didn't want or need (eg. AOL crap). And as a believer in open source technology over shit I actually paid for (and didn't really want), I downloaded Firefox (I'm actually typing this in Firefox!) and am already downloading OpenOffice for all my writing needs. Though I do have Office on this machine, which I may use from time to time, I've grown to like OO Writer much better than Word, so I had to have it.

Once all that stuff is completed and I've given my computer a nice reboot to take all those other setting that I changed, I'm going to go find a few heavy duty flash games and test out just how fast this computer runs. Who knows? It may become my new gaming rig. And with the badass wide screen that I have, I think those games just might look super pretty.

I am a very happy boy right now. I know that's rare, but dammit! New toy! GLEE!

Giving in to temptation...

I have given in to temptation. Yes, I find it slightly troublesome that I'm getting something with the word "Gateway" on it, but considering that this laptop is actually going to be able to out perform my desktop and has everything I have been looking for in a laptop, I am hopeful that this little bugger will do everything I need it to do. Because I'll actually have a laptop that I don't have to coax into working correctly, unlike my current one, I will probably start writing again, and that's a very good thing. If all goes well setting up my new writing platform, it will be time to bite the bullet and start seeing if I can't track down those people I really need to interview before really getting into my next Jay and K book.

Considering that I may be looking for a new job again come winter, I have contemplated that perhaps buying the laptop was not the wisest of plans. I could rationalize my way out of this, but frankly sometimes you just gotta go buy yourself something you really want because, dammit, you want a toy. What's the point of having money if you never get to use it on anything you really actually want?

Part of why I dropped a small ton of coin on my sister and her husband's wedding gift (bad ass TV) is that I remember what it's like to start out like that and getting tired of feeling poor all the time. Living carefully, cautiously spending every dollar, meticulously following your budget; all of this gets old. Doing all this and seeing your friends who have stuff you want can evoke more jealousy than one might want to admit. So in getting them a really cool TV, I am attempting to offset that feeling that I was so familiar with for them so that they can really just try to enjoy the whole married thing for a while till they're comfortable enough financially to buy nice things for themselves. It may not work, but a big brother's gotta dote on someone.

Now, I wasn't exactly jealous of anyone when I bought me my laptop. More I was annoyed that my current POS laptop was broken and that it frustrated me so much that my writing took a back burner. But I have also not spent money on much of anything but my home for a long time, so it was bloody well time to get me something more impressive than a new video game. This new toy should keep me amused and happy for a long time, and should hopefully get me back on writing again. That will be a very good thing.

More on drugs

Well, it's official: I am upgrading my drugs. Lately, as I've slowly been getting rid of the Wellbutrin/Buproprion, I've felt a bit down, under the weather, depressed really. It makes a certain kind of sense that as I'm removing the anti-depressant from my system that I would feel a bit more depressed, right? That's what I suspected, but I also wondered if my decrease in that particular drug would also affect the other two (Lorazepam and Seroquel).

For the past couple of months I've been having trouble sleeping again. Not much trouble, mind you, but enough that I wondered if I should be increasing my Seroquel again. The past two weeks were particularly bad for my sleep for any number of reasons, and last night I decided it was time to take a dose and a half to see what effect, if any, it would have on my sleep. I went to sleep late while still getting up at the normal time and felt more refreshed this morning than I've felt in probably months. Yeah, it's long past time to upgrade my Seroquel.

Lorazepam on the other hand, I am not entirely sure about. I seems like it's logical to increase that as my Wellbutrin decreases to account for the difference of drugs in my system. But drugs don't necessarily work the way we might expect them too something with which I am all too familiar. I will be talking to Herr psychiatrist about this, and probably increasing the drugs just to be safe, but I will keep an open mind when I talk to the guy. There's no question that I won't leave without a bigger Seroquel perscription, but maybe the Lorazepam I can leave alone. We'll just have to see.