A change of perspective

For some time now, one thought has remained fairly constant in my mind, never far from the conscious parts of my brain. That thought: "I want my girlfriend back." That started before I was actually dumped, and has remained for some time now. It's not so much a statement of wanting to be dating again so much as wanting things to be the way they were before so many things went wrong. It's a stupid wish that some things had never happened, and that other things were never the issues they became in reality. In short, it's a yearning for things past, a "golden age" if you will, of my dating experience that really didn't exist. I wish I could have it back.

But that kind of thinking is plainly stupid. I cannot change the past; the present will never be the past again; no matter how much I want something, reality moves on. So it's time to stop wanting what I want and start wanting what I actually need. I don't need to want my life to return to the way it was before the Time of Troubles (points if you get that reference); I need to accept life as it is. So I don't want my girlfriend back anymore. I want to stop missing her.

The only way I'll get any better is by accepting that it's over, she'll never come back, and I'll never go back. I have to accept that I am unwilling to experience that pain again or to take any more chances on someone I can no longer trust. I have to accept that her disorder and my disorder could never have worked together, no matter what either of us might have wanted. I have to accept that it's over, now and forever.

I know what I need. I want to stop missing her. I just don't know how.