Me lately

I have been pissed with my work situation, but as I realize bitching about work in this forum is risky, I'll just limit what I have to say to I'm bored, underpaid, and tired of being jerked around. That's my work situation.

Otherwise I have been fairly decent. I'm making progress in the book, nearly finished with the updates I need to make. I'm feeling pretty good, though I'm definitely going to talk to my psychiatrist about increasing some of my medications. Not the Wellbutrin, but of the three I'm taking that one seems to have the least affect on me anyway lately. Also, as I'm already at the maximum clinical dose for Wellbutrin, it would be lunacy to go higher as I like my internal organs when they aren't bleeding or rotting. I probably should have known that something would go wrong with my sleep meds when I thought to myself "no, I have plenty of refills before I see the dude again". Turns out if you refill the perscription too frequently, they won't refill it again. My fault entirely for not adequately explaining my situation to the doc initially, but as I see him Friday I should be fine.

Judging from the comments from my therapist, I'm a natural born CBT champion. I do CBT subconsciously! Granted, not being aware of it means that it's less effective (read: not effective), but at least my head is in the right place. Major breakthrough today on what's really bugging me, so hopefully I'll make some serious progress in the next few weeks. Though I have heard that CBT is theoretically effective in ten sessions, that's proving to be only the tip of the iceberg for me. I'm at twelve sessions (give or take one, my counting isn't that good), and I don't think I'll be stopping any time soon. I know some people are leery of therapy, drugs, and talking openly about either, but I say those people are pansies. I can't get better on my own, I'm not willing to continue to suffer, and I'm tired of inflicting my bad moods on other people. If pills and chatting with a head doctor can help me, then I'm goddamn well doing it.

In video game news, I am breaking my time between two main games right now: God of War and .Hack. God of War, if you don't know, is the most insanely violent game ever made, and the most deserving of an M rating based on violence and random naked chicks I've ever seen. Sure, GTA is more realistically violent, but at no point in GTA do you stab someone with two huge daggers, then proceed to tear your opponent in half in a huge shower of blood; nor do you twist the head off a gorgon, snap the spine of a siren, split the skull of a minotaur, or hurl your dagger attached to a chain into the eye of a cyclops and then smash the fucker's face into the ground in a lovely shower of blood. And, yes, I enjoy every single bloody moment.

The other game I'm playing is .Hack. Why? Because I watched .Hack Sign, the lovely anime. It got really good at about episode 25. 26 sucked, 27 was a recap, ALL FOUR .HACK GAMES HAPPEN HERE, and then 28 makes no goddamn sense without having played the fucking games. So I'm back to playing .Hack because I am a fucking continuity whore. I can't not know the whole story. Drives me crazy.

And that's a nice update. Lots to read. And now that I've gotten my writing fix for the day, I'm off to try my alternative sleep aids and pray they work ok. They did me ok last night, so we'll try to keep up that trend.