The old and the new are like oil and water somtimes...

I'm sure now that I've totally frustrated Gangles, he's just going to want to smack me next time I ask him a question, but that's ok. I'm an irritating student. Problem is, I am a second degree black belt. I have more than a decade's worth of knowledge. It is ingrained in my movements, my thoughts, and it just does not mix with the style of teaching in school I am at. Can I learn the forms? Yeah, fast, easy, and I love to. But can I learn the application? Not even slightly. I can do what I'm taught, but some things apparently can't be taught to me. It's something of an old dog new tricks scenario, but more than that, it's an entire adjustment of attitude.

In my karate school, new students with knew knowledge were told to not only continue to use their knowledge, but feel free to try to pass it on to the other students. At my karate school, evey new face with new ideas was a way for us to get new ideas and techniques. If we weren't capable of teaching the new face how to also use our style with what they'd already learned, then the failure was on our part rather than the students. (I say our, because I was on the teaching staff.)

In my new kung-fu school I am having to forget what I have learned because there is a different way of looking at things. Basics, obviously, are always important, but now I am having to take what I know and shelf it for a while so that I can start to absorb the new material. With nearly decades of doing the same thing under my belt, it's really, really hard for me to just not use my, let's face it, vast array of knowledge and just take the very simple approach. It is definitely something I should learn, and I wish I was better at it, but learning to hold back and just do the simple techniques they want to see is just frustrating the hell out of me. In this school my inability to bridge the two styles is my failure rather than the teacher's failure.

Personally I think it's a very good thing for me to be at this school struggling to learn how to deal with the new way of thinking because doing the same thing over and over can cause one to stagnate. Unlearning karate some could be the perfect thing for me to really grow as a martial artist. But my stubborn and perfectionist attitudes are hurting my ability to take this new material.

This actually works well with my therapy because it's forcing me into a situation I do not like and forcing me to work hard at something I can't necessarily do well yet. I know that I am failing now, but this does not mean I will continue to fail. It just means that right now, I cannot be obsessed with success because I can't succeed. If I can learn to calm down and learn to start to flow with the new information while somehow strangling my old "I'm a black belt" thinking for the time being, perhaps I can begin to get past my frustration and start to learn my new skills.

But goddamn is it hard.