My sister is insane.

Now, don't go gettin' me wrong, I do love the little darlin', but she's a nutcase on occasion. She works for a local flower shop, doesn't exactly make a lot of money, but she seems to be fairly happy with what she's doing, so more power to her. Now she's going to be training to be a Wedding Planner. Yes, just like the movie, just without anyone by the name of Lopez. This is, of course, a monumental change in her life since instead of arranging flowers, she's be directing rich idiots to buy floral arangements that she would then arrange.

Yes, so far as I can tell, the only real change in her job is that she'd have to talk to rich retards more often than she does now. I call them retards, not because they're bad people really, but because they'll drop $3000 on floral arrangements a month. A month. A fucking month for Christ's sake. That's retarded. Apparently, these people spend money that makes $3k look like a drop in the bucket if there's a wedding on.

So my dear sister wants to "help" these people with their weddings, but she's torn. In reality, my sister is a money nazi. She won't spend money unless she absolutely has to, so she has a real hard time justifying in her head convincing other people to spend money they don't need to. On the other hand, the more money she can convince these people to spend, the more money she ends up making in the long run. So while she's not necessarily happy about trying to essentially trick people into spending unnecessary money, she's sucking it up and trying to get rich people to think big.

Now we get to why my sister is insane. She's decided that people will respond better to her if she fakes a southern accent. That's right. She's convinced that if she learns how to work ya'll, reckon, and other such southern sayings into her normal speech that these idiots will spend more money. The hell? Now, while I may be far to fair a person to believe this shit, apparantly most notherners immediately assume someone with a southern accent is stupid. Or, at least, not as smart as said northerner. Fucking Yanks.

So what does all this mean? Now my sister is running around trying to talk slower, use reckon in her normal speech patterns, and is generally sounding like a retard. Not because she sounds like she's from the south so much as because she's sounds like she's trying to sound like a retard from the south. I would think that any southern bred person would want to smack my sister back into line, but this far, they've all agreed with her! I shudder to think of how the world has gotten to this point. I also shudder to think of what's gonna happen when little miss southerner forgets her accent in the middle of a wedding sales pitch.

Sadly, she comes by it naturally. My entire family likes to pretend we have accents from time to time. I am guilty of working an entire night, back when I worked in retail, faking a british accent. Frighteningly enough, the day after I did my brit-fakery, people came in looking for the british worker. My managers were very confused. Now if my managers were confused, I can only imagine what my sister's tiny Japanese boss with the thick accent will think when some rich person questions my sister's southern origin. I reckon that won't go well.