Being single sucks.
1) Now is the time for me to read WAY to much into every simple interaction I have with an attractive girl or young woman. Back when I wasn't single, if a pretty girl smiled at me I might have a fleeting thought of "she's cute, I wonder if she was flirting" before I'd forget about the thought and get back to what I was doing. Now every glance brings up a wave of internal dialogue like, "Woah, she looked at me! Is she interested? Should I talk to her, get those digits? Or am I insane? Did she just glance at me then glance away, bored? Shit. Now I don't know what to do. Maybe..." and so forth.
2) Rebounding is a very difficult situation to be stuck in. I'm not even entirely certain what counts as rebounding and how one can tell when one is done rebounding. Certainly, less than three weeks from being dumped, I am very likely rebounding. But how will I tell when it's over? Should I try not to to date at all to avoid unfortunate situations? Or should I try to date in an attempt to get over rebounding by replacing my unhappy thoughts with fresh thoughts, be they happy or unhappy? I practically feel like I should walk into a ladies night at a bar with a little name tag on me that states "rebounding: approach at your own risk". Knowing my luck, more girls would talk to me in that one night than in all my previous trips to bars in the past five years added together.
3) Helpful family members. Oh dear Christ, this can get annoying. And you really can't just do what you want to and scream at people to butt out, half because you understand that they actually are trying to help, a quarter because you'd like to keep getting free dinners from time to time, and a quarter because you're hoping that maybe, just maybe, one of them will actually find something worth dating for you. Of course, then you're in that awkward situation where you're in their debt for finding the person you're currently nailing (or trying to). Is there a Hallmark card for that? "Thanks for finding me some ass! I hope she wasn't/isn't a man!"
4) Your single friends. Sometimes this doesn't happen, but when it does... You're out at the bar with your buddies. A couple of the other guys with you are also single. All of you look at a hot girl and have similar dark designs. Now what? What's the protocol for this situation? Fight? Cock-block like it's your job? Roofies? What kind of girl wants to look at three single guys playing rock-paper-scissors to decide who gets to get rejected first? Don't answer that.
5) Well she's talking to me. Now what? So you've found something interesting and you've been chatting. How precisely are you supposed to gently get to the important details: single? available? not a psycho? didn't used to be the other gender? aren't currently the incorrect gender? Personally, I'm thinking of stealing an idea from Something Positive, and walking around with a clipboard and questionaire to hand to hot girls to do some weeding for me. Any girl who points out that I'm stealing ideas from a web comic, of course, immediately passes go and gets $200. Or a drink. Whatever.
I'm sure there's more annoying things about being single, but as I'm only barely single right now, I have yet to re-experience the wonder. Feel free to chime in with what I've missed.
2) Rebounding is a very difficult situation to be stuck in. I'm not even entirely certain what counts as rebounding and how one can tell when one is done rebounding. Certainly, less than three weeks from being dumped, I am very likely rebounding. But how will I tell when it's over? Should I try not to to date at all to avoid unfortunate situations? Or should I try to date in an attempt to get over rebounding by replacing my unhappy thoughts with fresh thoughts, be they happy or unhappy? I practically feel like I should walk into a ladies night at a bar with a little name tag on me that states "rebounding: approach at your own risk". Knowing my luck, more girls would talk to me in that one night than in all my previous trips to bars in the past five years added together.
3) Helpful family members. Oh dear Christ, this can get annoying. And you really can't just do what you want to and scream at people to butt out, half because you understand that they actually are trying to help, a quarter because you'd like to keep getting free dinners from time to time, and a quarter because you're hoping that maybe, just maybe, one of them will actually find something worth dating for you. Of course, then you're in that awkward situation where you're in their debt for finding the person you're currently nailing (or trying to). Is there a Hallmark card for that? "Thanks for finding me some ass! I hope she wasn't/isn't a man!"
4) Your single friends. Sometimes this doesn't happen, but when it does... You're out at the bar with your buddies. A couple of the other guys with you are also single. All of you look at a hot girl and have similar dark designs. Now what? What's the protocol for this situation? Fight? Cock-block like it's your job? Roofies? What kind of girl wants to look at three single guys playing rock-paper-scissors to decide who gets to get rejected first? Don't answer that.
5) Well she's talking to me. Now what? So you've found something interesting and you've been chatting. How precisely are you supposed to gently get to the important details: single? available? not a psycho? didn't used to be the other gender? aren't currently the incorrect gender? Personally, I'm thinking of stealing an idea from Something Positive, and walking around with a clipboard and questionaire to hand to hot girls to do some weeding for me. Any girl who points out that I'm stealing ideas from a web comic, of course, immediately passes go and gets $200. Or a drink. Whatever.
I'm sure there's more annoying things about being single, but as I'm only barely single right now, I have yet to re-experience the wonder. Feel free to chime in with what I've missed.
posted by Ethyachk | 3:43 PM
6 Comments:
too funny. I must say that I have done cursory sleuthing and believe I have connected the dots. ;)
As for being single from a female perspective...I LOVE IT!
Stop worrying so much and relax and accept that you probably won't be really ready for anything meaningful for a LONG time...I'd guesstimate at least a year or two due to the fact that you have been with your ex for 5 years or so?
Being single doesn't mean that you have failed or are faulty. It's really the natural order of things these days. Far less people are entering into monogamous, committed relationships...not saying that's right or wrong, just the global state of the union.
I had been with my ex for a little over two, so perhaps your sleuthing has misled you?
OK! OK! So, I got the number of years wrong. *sigh* Still...take your time and chill out. Do bachelor stuff! It's fun, isn't?!
Don't make me call out who I think it is...cause I think I know. LOL!
The Peter Gabriel reference is what sealed it.
Now I'm just curious who you think I am, as I'm fairly certain I'm not who you think.
*hanging head* Alas, I stand corrected. I am mistaken. You're not who I thought you were, but there's such a similarity with the other guy.
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